habit-forming
wanting to make the most of my commute, i checked out four non-fiction books from the library to listen to while i drive.
the first? "better than before" by gretchen rubin on habits: essentially how and why we form them.
thus far, one of the most interesting things i have learned from it is the underlying four tendencies we all have when it comes to what motivates us and how essential it is that we tailor our habits for our own tendencies for success rather than copying others.
1) upholders: are motivated by both external and internal rules. strength: find it very easy to make and stick to habits. potential drawback: can become rigid and inflexible, keeping "rules for rules' sake"
2) obligers: are motivated more by external rules and not so much by internal ones. strength: can keep a resolution if someone else is counting on them. potential drawback: isn't as strong at keeping promises to themselves.
3) questioners: resist external expectations but are quite good at keeping internal ones. strength: want to get to the core of why a rule exists in the first place. potential drawback: won't do something if it doesn't make sense to them.
4) rebels: are not guided by external or internal rules. strength: do what they want to in their own way and time and help free others from rigidity. potential drawback: if you tell them to do something, they are less likely to do it.
every strength can also be a weakness, of course. but i found it helpful to think about what category i most often fall into (upholder/obliger) and how i respond to expectations of myself and others as well as what will help me meet both small and large goals, everything from not snacking at night to saving money for travel adventures.
it's not only helpful to start by knowing ourselves, but also knowing those we interact most closely with on a daily basis. if an upholder is asking a rebel to do something, for example, they may need to change their approach to avoid frustration and so on.
if an obliger wants to exercise regularly, they may need the accountability of a workout buddy or gym class they have paid to attend.
based on these quadrants, where do you think you fall and how could that self knowledge help you better interact with others when it comes to expectations, habits, and goals?
the first? "better than before" by gretchen rubin on habits: essentially how and why we form them.
thus far, one of the most interesting things i have learned from it is the underlying four tendencies we all have when it comes to what motivates us and how essential it is that we tailor our habits for our own tendencies for success rather than copying others.
1) upholders: are motivated by both external and internal rules. strength: find it very easy to make and stick to habits. potential drawback: can become rigid and inflexible, keeping "rules for rules' sake"
2) obligers: are motivated more by external rules and not so much by internal ones. strength: can keep a resolution if someone else is counting on them. potential drawback: isn't as strong at keeping promises to themselves.
3) questioners: resist external expectations but are quite good at keeping internal ones. strength: want to get to the core of why a rule exists in the first place. potential drawback: won't do something if it doesn't make sense to them.
4) rebels: are not guided by external or internal rules. strength: do what they want to in their own way and time and help free others from rigidity. potential drawback: if you tell them to do something, they are less likely to do it.
every strength can also be a weakness, of course. but i found it helpful to think about what category i most often fall into (upholder/obliger) and how i respond to expectations of myself and others as well as what will help me meet both small and large goals, everything from not snacking at night to saving money for travel adventures.
it's not only helpful to start by knowing ourselves, but also knowing those we interact most closely with on a daily basis. if an upholder is asking a rebel to do something, for example, they may need to change their approach to avoid frustration and so on.
if an obliger wants to exercise regularly, they may need the accountability of a workout buddy or gym class they have paid to attend.
based on these quadrants, where do you think you fall and how could that self knowledge help you better interact with others when it comes to expectations, habits, and goals?
I’m glad to hear you read this! I’m an upholder, according to my friend who is a big Gretchen fan. I would like to read more of her work! My friend is a big Happiness Project proponent, so I’ve heard a lot about it.
ReplyDeleteYes! Knowing ourselves can bring so much peace, growth, and understanding with others!
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