talking about hard things

if we get to live long enough, hard things will happen to us and those we love.  being alive is messy. 

it's dynamic, messy, organic, unpredictable, beautiful, terrible, and often all of these at the same time.  we're not victims, we're still here.  did you catch the miracle--we're still here!

sometimes when friends are diagnosed with serious illnesses it's hard for me to be yelled at and complained to by rich people drinking wine.  when i'm walking someone through a sudden loss, it's challenging for me to empathize with some forms of "stress" others are going through in deciding on their vacation destination.  after rebounding from 4 consecutive layoffs, if i'm honest, sometimes i envy those who don't have to work outside of the home.  

i get it, perspective is relative and comparative suffering need not apply.  one person's paper cut is another person's gaping wound.  but i think some wounds are just human and it needs to be ok to be reminded of our shared humanity.

a dear friend of mine just ended her own life.  as i process this, the only words i can find for it are, "dear friend, you left us hanging when you left us, hanging.  love, anguish" and it's hard to find people who want to talk about it.  i even considered not blogging about it.  (as a 2 on the Enneagram, it can be challenging enough to ask for what i need in the first place and takes some working through not to take it personally when the answer is "no".  this is my important work to do, however, and there's value in the process.)

what i'm finding is the more we open to the hard spaces the more we can be open to others.  for example, i didn't understand suicide or what others may have been going through until it happened in my own circle.  talk about lessons in empathy!  

also, friendship can often be a disenfranchised form of grief.  it's legitimized if it's a parent, spouse, or child.  but sometimes if we're not related, people think oh, it's "just" a friend we've lost, not a family member.  and, while family is important, i think friendship can be equally if not more precious because it's not a given, it's something we choose to nourish.  

at any rate, i am thankful for the places and people with whom i can talk about it for as long as i need to, even if i have to pay them for it by the hour.  and i suppose it's a good thing that this makes me want to be someone who is unafraid to let others talk with me about hard things for as long as they need to for free.

the art form here seems to be not staying too long in something while also not moving on too quickly from something.  i want to talk about my friend.  and i suspect that you might want to talk about something hard, too.  

what if we took the risk to talk about hard things?  because we are still beautifully, messily, and wonderfully alive!