my compassion list

my *intention is to thrive so i can help others.

after starting back to school and the fires though, the pressure built.  i was doing my routine shopping in the local target.  it was particularly crowded and i just started crying in the shampoo aisle and couldn't stop. (part of the wholeness of thriving is sometimes being a blubbering mess.) 

*i use the word intention rather than goal.  a goal is hit or miss.  an intention, rather, is a point of reference to keep returning to over and over.

a lovely woman walked over, turns out she was a nurse, and just told me that everything was going to be ok and that if i was going to keep being there for others i had to keep being true to my self-compassion.  she was an angel to me that day.  

i wrote a compassion list to myself and hope it will be encouraging to you as well...

-count your victories (making your bed counts!) instead of measuring your productivity right now.  don't let other people project their stress or workload onto you

-build resilience it can be downright terrifying doing things for the first time (grocery trip, claiming unemployment, being around a crowd) you are not alone.  find your safety groove and practice to build emotional muscle memory and confidence

-control yourself this is 100% ok 100% of the time!  decide upon and ask for what you need.  adjust as needed according to the response you receive

-consider your audience  you can never put yourself in someone else's shoes too often.  before sharing something, consider how it would feel to hear it if you were them.  when in doubt, ask them.  often just listening is preferred over offering opinions and unsolicited or potentially overwhelming information

-think ahead but live in the moment  deciding my boundaries before a potential situation comes up can give me more peace of mind.  communicate.  be open to new and creative ways of doing things (ex:  the holidays)

-be inclusive  in a group if possible ask ahead of time and go with the most cautious person's comfort zone in a way that makes them feel heard, valued, and included.  is there a way to create a both/and instead of an either/or?  

-it's ok to change your mind  things are constantly changing, so something that felt safe or risky yesterday may present differently today

-hold moods loosely it's ok to have a joyful day without feeling guilty and it's also ok to have a tired day that you chalk up to being a wash.  pull in, rest, reassess, try again tomorrow.  chances are no matter your mood, there is someone else in need of encouragement.  how many people's day can you lighten today?  chances are it will lighten yours as well

-comfort resource up!  i've decided i get all the epsom salts, teas, and fresh flowers that i want, yes and amen

-keep dignity intact  when i see someone in a motorized scooter in the store looking up at a high shelf, for example, i say "hi!  i know you can do that yourself, but let me know if i can reach anything for you" it makes it easier for them to take me up on it if they still feel independent and self-sufficient

-papercut or death?  by this i mean, it's all about perception and perspective. it's not a contest to see who is doing the best or struggling the most.  we all are experiencing both to varying degrees.  it's good to remember that one person's paper cut can feel like a death to them.  some people have suffered more than others and have varying experiences around loss. instead of assuming how you would feel in that situation and projecting that on them, ask them how that loss, no matter how big or small it may seem to you, makes them feel.  learn from one another, be grateful, and let all experiences find common empathy ground

-be courageous about being the only one doing or not doing something.  others may need someone to go first to give them the gumption to follow

-ask questions  beginning sentences with a growth-mindset, "i notice...i wonder...how might we..." leaves room for dialogue and open-ended discussions

-put others first  having fun is important but not at the cost of someone else's wellbeing.  when in doubt keep the bigger picture in mind. is this absolutely essential? if so, what's the most compassionate way to go about it?  if not, can it wait?  discernment can lead to so many wonderful new ways to connect!  

what have you found most helpful in showing yourself and others compassion?