with open hands

i'm never sure how to answer people when they ask me if i have kids. i'll be getting a haircut or making small talk at a party and inevitably the question comes around. i usually say "no, i'm not married but i am a teacher" which smacks of spinster. so what i've started to say instead just for fun is, "yes, i do, about 1,000 of them", just to see their expression.

for starters, there are several summer's worth of kids from camp tilikum. add in the church nursery-junior high pastoring years. plus 7th grade literature students who are now seniors in high school. college students. foster kids. and the 250 new students from art this year. it's funny how life is because, growing up, i always saw myself having kids, but never working with other people's. maybe i'm a little slow to notice, but there's definitely a life pattern going on here. why fight it? join it.

so in the interests of joining it, if you opened my calendar you might see "emily's concert @THS 7 pm", "david soccer 4 @ cook park", "help with sophie's 3rd bday", "stacey grad dinner, 5 @ subterra", "connor's play, sunday @ alpenrose", "maya starts school", or "jacob football game sat." ten years ago i could still make it to most everyone's events, but i had to give that goal up a couple of day planners ago. i can barely keep up with the graduation announcements that pour in along with mission team support letters and requests for job references. but i wouldn't have it any other way.

can i meet them for coffee because they just had a breakup? do i want to listen to a new song they just wrote? will i do their hair for prom? can i come to their wedding?

just having made breakfast for one young lady before she goes on an international adventure, i realized how much i will miss her. you want them to grow, it's exciting. mentoring isn't about us, afterall. some i've met with are recording worship albums. one is in prison. we can't take the credit or the blame, but we can show up. and keep showing up. the rewards are infinite and yet it does involve a great deal of letting go in stages of small and private griefs. i guess it's walking that line of staying connected while having open hands.

so when she got in her car and drove into a life of possibility, i stood in the driveway. my hand was waving, my smile beaming. my heart? bursting with pride while my eyes filled with tears.

"so how many kids do you have?"

at latest count? 1,001.