let's talk about job loss

when i was younger i remember us moving about once a year because my dad got laid off a lot.  he is one of the best workers ever and his employers always said the same thing, "you're one of our finest workers and we hate to see you go, but times are hard and you were the one most recently hired."  wow did my dad work hard, hitting the pavement, always providing for us and i don't think i thank him enough.

it's from him i learned to double-line the trash cans before and after events, to pay attention to detail and anticipate needs, keep things neat and tidy.  and i can resonate with this, as it is echoing freshly through my mind toward me yet again , "you're one of our best workers, this is strictly financial, we don't want to let you go."

it happened again.

i'm proud of the way my parents raised me and i want to work!  a text came in from a friend, "let me know if you need a reference, your work ethic alone is priceless."  and that means a lot because job loss, especially multiple ones that are neither your choice nor your fault can hit in all sorts of ways.

it's not cancer or war.  it's not memorials over zoom.  but it's grief and must be navigated.  though it's never fun, i'm learning some tools that help me land mostly, if not awkwardly, on my feet:

1) we are in an era of 'pack up your things and go'. gone are the days of 40 years in one place and a gold watch reward. in some ways this is better than trying to keep up appearances or draw things out, but it's shocking all the same. it will happen quickly and usually out of the blue.  if they are classy, they will wait to terminate you until the first of the month, allowing for longer extension of benefits. accept their decision and also ask questions to make sure you understand final settlements such as paperwork, benefit coverage and/or severance pay.  then allow them to walk you out the front door with your stapler, coffee mug and dignity intact.  you may feel like a common criminal, but rest assured you are not.  extra tip:  maybe don't drive right away, just sit there in your car and breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth until your hands stop shaking or take a walk if space and environment allows for adrenaline to pass through your system so you aren't driving distracted.

2) get your professional tagline and stick to it.  you can process your feelings with friends later but as a professional it is best to simply say, "my position was eliminated due to budget cuts/restructuring" and leave it at that.

3) learn to navigate both unemployment and health insurance.  there are lots of resources out there and chances are someone has been through it first who can walk you through some of the more confusing parts like making your weekly claims or ensuring no lapse in health coverage.  for example, i find it best to have taxes taken out of unemployment benefits ahead of time to make the next tax year simpler.

4) it's not your fault (in the case of budget cuts).  it's a loss and follows grief patterns of anger, confusion, sadness, hurt, fear, and acceptance just like any other valid loss.  

5) let yourself feel down about it  people will say how great and amazing you are and how it will be so easy to find a new job and while those things may be true, the fastest way i've found back into motivation is to step out of the ring for a bit, be sad, and rest.  there's pros and cons to every job; things you won't miss at all but other things that you will miss greatly or you wouldn't have been there in the first place.  tears are valid as is getting a chance to have closure with colleagues you care about.  still, it's better not to make important life decisions in the midst of shock.  

6) listen to both your heart and your head make a dreaming list of what you want to do and see how it lines up with your financial list of what you can afford to do.  do they overlap?  where?  how might they line up over both a short and long term span?

7) connect with others and ask if they have hiring needs within your realm of expertise or know of anything that may be a good fit for you.  while there are sites and job descriptions everywhere, i've gotten almost all my employment opportunities through relationships with people.  

8) make an employment map when i made one of 2019-2022 for myself  i realized i had 8 stops and starts. no wonder the thought of yet another business card, staff culture, and email account is hard to fathom right now! it was helpful to put a symbol next to each one rating how much control i had over each situation and also how sudden it was because those factors matter in processing the change.

9) save, save, save and update your resume trust me, there's much less anxiety if you've paid down your debts and set aside a space cushion of at least 6-12 months of living expenses.  it's also always a great exercise to dust off your resume and practice writing specific cover letters to places you'd like to work for.  

10) be kind to yourself and make a gentle routine i find it very difficult to relax and enjoy the "free time" that follows a layoff because it's unsettling not knowing where your next paycheck is coming from now that your weekly routine has been traumatically jolted.  even if it's as small as "take a bath" or "walk the dog" it's forward momentum!  a huge part of your life has just been upset and it's ok to eat some chicken soup or take a nap.  

our western culture largely values us for what we do rather than who we are.  so honor yourself just for existing.  maybe the next thing truly will be better than you could have possibly imagined.  

vincent van gogh said, "your profession is not what brings home your paycheck.  your profession is what you were put on earth to do with such passion and intensity that it becomes spiritual in calling."

mine's beauty.  what's yours?