assimilation

i'm not out of words, exactly. just trying to find the right ones.  my subtitle here would be "assimilation:  coming home without becoming the first three letters".  it takes a lot of energy for a "totally-dreamy-everything-you-hoped-it-would-be-and-more-bliss-art-and-beauty" trip to become a part of who you are.  oh, sure your body gets adjusted to the new time zone and you awkwardly fold in with the life as usual that has continued while you were away.  (this gives me new empathy for people who've lived abroad for any length of time because my trip was only two weeks!)  i'm slower at processing than most people and there is a legitimate let-down which made me feel funky and not always in a good way...i think the anticipation has something to do with it too, having looked forward to this dream for 22 years and subsequently planning it for five months.  i tried to describe it this way:  i might have put my luggage away and neatly fold laundry on the outside, but on the inside my suitcase was a mess with things spread all over, concepts looking for a home, memories wanting a connection.  people said give yourself about two weeks.  and sure enough, i bounced at almost exactly two weeks.  many factors and friend's unconditional love in the meantime, but point being i bounced thankfully with several days before having to take up school and work responsibilities again.  finally when i was able to even know what i needed much less articulate it, filling up was easy.  i just needed to believe it really happened.  and two powerful feelings surfaced simultaneously like oil and water:  1) a deep contentment at having realized a dream 2) new moxie to take on the world.  (how exactly to be relaxed-happy while restless-supercharged, i don't know.)  so i got outside to put in some simple physical labor time.  good stupid honest hard work--ah, nothing like it for us philosophical types. martha stewart i'm not...she would never pick three gallons of blackberries before hanging her linens to dry with berry stained hands, i'm sure.  her calendar probably says "morning pilates, afternoon tea with dan and lanae, train pole beans, buy prize winning dog for photo shoot, chill squash blossoms for dinner party."  mine said, endeavoring to my life's constant goal of turning something otherwise messy into something sweet:  "make jam.  lots of it."  but i digress...i am planning a fall party, however,--on the *frenchy side this time--which should keep me out of trouble while i forego novels in favor of soothing poetry and find the rest of the words i'm looking for...*multigenerational, overabundance of cheese, and goes late into the night. what is one of your dreams?  have you realized it yet and if so, how did it feel when you did?