e is for efficiency

"so, do you have kids?" people ask. "oh, several hundred." goes my non-chalant reply. first of all, believe me, i have nothing but respect for parenting--the non-stop-self-sacrificing-see-them-at-their-worst-and-love-them-anyway-remember-i'm-paying-for-your-college-education unconditional lifetime commitment. there's a side to having many kids that you're not ultimately responsible for but whose lives you nontheless intersect with in meaningful ways. it, like parenting i hypothesize, is about an art of attachment and detachment--letting them go when it's time and always being a place they can come home to. and then, it hit me: the perfect gift. ok, so a little sarcasm font here, but since you already know my heart on the subject, please indulge me. so, june is the month for graduations and showers and graduations for the shower's shower's graduate, right? so what if we--parents and like-a-parent-to-these-people, went in on the perfect gift? it would go something like this. you start off the package or registry or whatever with a $20 bill. that way, they can go out to coffee with a nice date that perhaps they will one day marry. (if they are church goers, maybe throw in a second $20 bill for their summer mission trip to nicaragua or argentina or africa.) if the coffee dates go well, included in the gift is a coupon for kitchen items, no pressure, but being the general order of things, they will need a good blender in their married people kitchen but for goodness' sake let them pick it out themselves! next i would throw in a pacifier, maybe green or yellow--a nice unisex color since you don't know if their first child will be a boy or a girl--and a copy of "bringing up bebe" by pamela drukerman so they can decide on the pros and cons of american vs. french style parenting. that should cover a decade or so. then there's the job market. as a finishing touch to go with the happy graduation, marriage, and first child, i would enclose the following: "good for life: job references and letters available upon request." this whole thing, 'tis tacky and impersonal, i know, and i'm kidding about it all of course...so it may be just marketable afterall!