just right, goldilocks

the full title of today's post is "just right: how one small interaction made a big difference."  

for background, i am of the general belief that every human falls into one of the following two categories of wounding/lie.  1) i am not enough -OR- 2) i am too much.

have to say, i definitely fall into the second category, having been told in so many ways by so many people over the years that i use too many words, am too enthusiastic, calm down already!, you get the idea. 

(allow me to insert here that it is vital to engage in and respond to the constructive feedback of those who love us and truly have our best interests at heart so we can grow and vice-versa!  if it's a pattern of feedback across the board, it is likely true and can be taken into account and used to help further adjustment and improved relationships.  maturity and self-regulation are hugely important, but note:  that is different from believing the lie!)  

the fact that i still wince on the inside when someone says something along those general lines to me means there is more truth embracing to be done.  perhaps for you, too?  you may know where your wound is if it feels like a bruise is being poked, you stop being yourself suddenly, overcompensate, or feel shut down in some way.  (turning 46, by the way, has helped me further to wholeness by compiling a 2020 poetry book to put my words out there even more! i imagined someone saying, "tell me more, lanette, we need your gift of words..." and it helped me to be myself and to keep writing when i was tempted to stop.)

here's the cool thing that played out today in regards to all this.  

being early to a meeting, i decided to swing through a local starbucks for an iced coffee.  i noticed what a cheery, effusive, and welcoming lilt of a voice the barista had even through the intercom.  just her voice tone really encouraged me!  a little nudge inside told me to tell her how much it meant to me.  (keep in mind this is a less-than-three minute, if that, interaction here.  that, and the dividing line between friends and strangers seems thinner these days).  

when i pulled up to the drive-through window, before even paying, i obeyed the little prompt and said to her, "you know, i have to tell you how much your joyful voice cheered me just now when i was ordering.  thank you so much, i really appreciate you!"  

even with her mask on, i could see her eyes light up.  she stopped what she was doing, leaned over and said, "oh my gosh, that is so incredibly nice!  my husband is always saying, about my voice, that it's too much."

"well, to me right now, it's perfect.  if it had been any less, i wouldn't have noticed or been so encouraged by it." 

"oh!" she exclaimed, with the same bubbly joy, "i can't wait to go home and tell my husband that someone said my voice was just right!"

now, in other ways, i know that the equal and opposite reaction is the cure.  for example, if we are struggling with a lack of gratitude, the antidote is to thank someone.  feeling lonely?  seek out someone lonelier than yourself and help them belong.  wishing to be noticed or needing something?  notice someone else or give away what it is you are most wishing for.

i wondered if that concept might just hold true in terms of curing both of these core wounds?  if you feel as though your best is never good enough or you just don't measure up, stop thinking about yourself and find someone that you sense feels the same way.  point out their successes and how they have made your life better.  or, as in my case, if you feel like you're too much, notice and take time to express appreciation for how someone else's wiring blesses you.

you see, we need each other.  and we are each made uniquely and beautifully. 

most everyone is familiar with mr. rogers' famous phrase "i like you just the way you are." is this too good to be true and do we dare to believe it?  he didn't say, "i like you just the way you are except when..."  no.  he communicated this awesome sense of unconditional belonging and acceptance. 

we can't have it both ways with people's personalities, as much as we would perhaps like to control them by picking and choosing.  the very things we love most about them probably also drive us crazy! fair enough.  all we can really do is manage ourselves and ask for what we need.  if people want the joy that comes with an effusive personality, they get the package deal, and vice-versa.  

has life reflected back to you that you are either too much or not enough?  i encourage you to defeat those lies by reaching out with the antidote of encouraging someone else.  and in the meantime, shine!  because you are perfectly made.  no need to falsely puff yourself up or water yourself down because you never know when you will be the just right factor in someone else's day!

it is making me smile to imagine the barista going home to tell her husband about our interaction and him saying how much he loves her voice just the way it is.

thoughts?