the u.p.c.s. and what you can do about it

over the years and especially this last week for some reason, i've noticed a disturbing domestic trend. yes, my friends, it's true. unused porch chair syndrome. nostalgic for days gone by when people actually sat on their front porches, i started counting types and styles of unused chair pairs: blue adirondaks, white wicker, pink metal, wooden with seat covers, even matching chaise lounges. but never once a person in them, much less two. mere suburban decor. for one, i imagine them not to be very comfortable. there's not usually a place to put your feet up, it's not facing the sun, there's no table for the paper and coffee, they're way to small to nap in...not to mention they're placed smack dab beneath the gutter drain spouts (what was our first clue?!) two, the way they are sitting looks pretty but wouldn't actually work well for real people trying to have a conversation. this in regards to a porch where they were on completely opposite sides from each other, about 15 feet apart. symmetrical, but largely useless. ("i say, over there, could you throw the homes and gardens paper section please?") case in point. now, i don't have a porch per se, or matching chairs, but i do USE things outside to sit on given the day and what i'm wanting to do. sketching? (picnic table) coffee and book? (back patio rocker) cloud gazing? (blanket) watching chicken antics (overturned bucket or whatever piece of plywood is handy at the time) not as pretty maybe, but they work, these aforementioned use of things akin to crates and barrels, ahem. so, dear reader, i leave you with this question, sponsored no doubt by pottery barn, do people not stop by on front porches because no one's sitting there? or does no one sit there because people don't stop by anymore? i'm here to change all that. down with u.p.c.s! got lemonade? as a throwback to the late 1890's, i may just come over to your porch and pull up a chair.