pruning
our tree branches are pruned out here in the orchard.
i had no agenda today and it made me slightly uneasy. i mean there was nothing. usually i have a plan for if there is nothing; with how i am going to fill it, but today the day simply was, a day with the late winter sunlight streaming in the window.
that sounds great, you might be thinking, do you know how much i have to do!? i didn't say i didn't have plans. being agenda-less, however, the things i thought would happen didn't and vice-versa.
it wasn't enough just to be alive. i know that sounds ungrateful, but i became acutely aware of all that i cling to for my significance; how i arrange myself into importance and control my sense of infrastructure for security.
lent is uncomfortable.
especially when i see what i thought was such an essential branch of my life cut off and sprawled lifeless on the ground.
lent is awkward.
especially when i feel like my trunk is jagged and asymmetrical.
lent is a time of exposure.
especially when i feel my bark stripped of things i thought i deserved or wanted so much.
my imposter self wants to run right past all this nothingness and skip to the next thing, force something to happen. but my most authentic self knows that love prunes. and fruit comes.
lent is love.
i had no agenda today and it made me slightly uneasy. i mean there was nothing. usually i have a plan for if there is nothing; with how i am going to fill it, but today the day simply was, a day with the late winter sunlight streaming in the window.
that sounds great, you might be thinking, do you know how much i have to do!? i didn't say i didn't have plans. being agenda-less, however, the things i thought would happen didn't and vice-versa.
it wasn't enough just to be alive. i know that sounds ungrateful, but i became acutely aware of all that i cling to for my significance; how i arrange myself into importance and control my sense of infrastructure for security.
lent is uncomfortable.
especially when i see what i thought was such an essential branch of my life cut off and sprawled lifeless on the ground.
lent is awkward.
especially when i feel like my trunk is jagged and asymmetrical.
lent is a time of exposure.
especially when i feel my bark stripped of things i thought i deserved or wanted so much.
my imposter self wants to run right past all this nothingness and skip to the next thing, force something to happen. but my most authentic self knows that love prunes. and fruit comes.
lent is love.
That's so amazing, I was just realizing almost the same thing yesterday in my lent devotional! I realized I am often driven to do, to accomplish, something, anything, and the prospect of prolonged nothingness makes me uneasy. Sure, I enjoy the odd moment of quiet and peace, but then the antsyness comes and it's hard to stay still. I've always viewed my 'driveness with a certain amount of pride, but now, in the lenten season, I find myself questioning both the drive and pride in it. Good, good, thoughts, soul sister! :)
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