The Z, Y, X's of life "N" Nettie

these 26 entries z-a are meant as a tandem collection of short essays interspersed through my blog.  instead of the abc's of life, i'm writing backwards for two reasons.  t.s. eliot said that to make an end is to make a beginning, which i find true.  that, and my grandfather could say the alphabet backwards faster than i could say it forwards.  now that's some wit.

when i turned fifty a couple of years ago, i wanted to start going by "nettie" more often.  i didn't want to change completely from "lanette" (which i find beautiful and a unique spelling) i simply wanted to identify more and more with my great-grandmother, who i'm named after.

i know i tend to romanticize views of her era.  the truth is that she worked hard and had very few options.  i'd already traveled more before i was thirty than she did her whole life.  for her, going up in my uncle's plane was a mind-blowing adventure, as humankind had not yet learned how to take to the air when she was born.

the parts i most long for are the stories i hear about their routines on the farm and their unhurried rhythm of life.  not to say it wasn't rugged or difficult, but days revolved around sustenance and simplicity in a way i can only imagine.  there wasn't free time per se for things i now have the luxury to enjoy (such as this blog) but they did rest and recreate in their own ways.  they didn't have to schedule time together because family and community life were one in the same.  

based on imagination i've done what i can to craft a sustainable life:  i raise chickens, collect eggs, plant a garden, bake sourdough bread, visit with the neighbors, keep a capped limit on possessions, think of wealth as having what i need plus enough to share, leave plenty of time during errands for visiting along the way, handwrite cards and letters, and try to be present and calm as much as possible.

i've made intentional decisions to make less money and have a more balanced work-rest-play life, getting out of the 9-5 hustle and leaning into the fabric of what it means to me to be human. 

her picture is on my wall and i talk to it/her even trying to do my now-longer hair up after a fashion like hers at times.  her face became a smile and i can tell her laugh lines are a result of good humor and not taking herself too seriously.

i've heard she had a penchant and way with plants and people and enjoyed playing with kids--her grandchildren.  so i've created vignettes of houseplants lushly around my loft and try to prioritize people amid modern life.  being silly and playing with kids come easily to me, so perhaps i have her to thank for those.

both nettie and i love beauty.  i think about this every time i put fresh flowers in her vase and when i press sunflower seeds into fresh soil.

i wonder what she would think about my compact SUV and vanguard IRA or the myriad of choices at the grocery store and AI internet search engines?  what would it be like for her to receive constant in-real-time news from around the world or to put laundry into machines to wash and dry it while she did something else?  would she get dressed up and join the queue for an occasional coffee at Starbucks, clutching her purse with both hands in front of her and paying with cash?  

this nettie can keep her alive by thinking about her and aspiring to kindness while still acknowledging i live in a different era.  she wouldn't fault me for using Venmo or buying my chicks at Wilco.  i think she'd smile and ask if she could go for a whirl in my new car.  

maybe she'd even turn up the radio and sing along.