5 questions for better listening

 brought to you by MEA (modern elder academy)

1) are you listening to the other person--or yourself?  are you hearing what the other person is saying or are you rehearsing what you are going to say and just waiting to jump in?

2) are you listening to their words alone and nothing more? how much are you paying attention to content as well as the broader implications of what they are communicating?

3) are you listening for the context? what are their non-verbal cues, actions, physical state and environment adding to their message?

4) are you listening to what's being left unsaid?  often what people don't say or what they avoid discussing can be just as key or vital.

5) are you listening for the full meaning? the highest level of listening takes a lot of work but pays off in the end--are you listening attentively and empathetically to their words, non-verbal cues, context, unspoken sentiments, and fundamental meaning? 

listening is intentional and takes a lot of focus and energy, especially when multiple people or platforms vie for our attention simultaneously.  i know it means a lot to me when i'm trying to explain how i feel about something and someone says, "tell me more".  it is an open-ended gift.  

one thing i've been trying to practice at work when communication lines get tangled or interpretations are moving quickly is to take a moment and ask, "can i take a moment and repeat that back to you to make sure i heard you right?  feel free to add to, change, or correct along the way." i've found not only does this let them know i'm paying attention but it also leaves room for correction.  even though it takes time and can slow things down in the short term, in the long run it's actually a quicker way forward and is good for relationship-building too. 

what do you find most challenging and rewarding about active listening?